Saturday, January 25, 2020
The Beatles :: Essay on The Beatles
The The English ROCK MUSIC group The Beatles gave the 1960s its characteristic musical flavor and had a profound influence on the course of popular music, equaled by few performers. The guitarists John Winston Lennon, b. Oct. 9, 1940; James Paul McCartney, b. June 18, 1942; and George Harrison, b. Feb. 25, 1943; and the drummer Ringo Starr, b. Richard Starkey, July 7, 1940, were all born and raised in Liverpool. Lennon and McCartney had played together in a group called The Quarrymen. With Harrison, they formed their own group, The Silver Beatles, in 1959, and Starr joined them in 1962. As The Beatles, they developed a local following in Liverpool clubs, and their first recordings, "Love Me Do" (1962) and "Please Please Me" (1963), quickly made them Britain's top rock group. Their early music was influenced by the American rock singers Chuck BERRY and Elvis PRESLEY, but they infused a hackneyed musical form with freshness, vitality, and wit. The release of "I Want to Hold Your Hand" in 1964 marked the beginning of the phenomenon known as "Beatlemania" in the United States. The Beatles' first U.S. tour aroused a universal mob adulation. Their concerts were scenes of mass worship, and their records sold in the millions. Their first film, the innovative A Hard Day's Night (1964), was received enthusiastically by a wide audience that included many who had never before listened to rock music. Composing their own material (Lennon and McCartney were the major creative forces), The Beatles established the precedent for other rock groups to play their own music. Experimenting with new musical forms, they produced an extraordinary variety of songs: the childishly simple "Yellow Submarine"; the bitter social commentary of "Eleanor Rigby"; parodies of earlier pop styles; new electronic sounds; and compositions that were scored for cellos, violins, trumpets, and sitars, as well as for conventional guitars and drums. Some enthusiasts cite the albums Rubber Soul (1965) and Revolver (1966) as the apex of Beatle art, although Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (1967), perhaps the first rock album designed thematically as a single musical entity, is more generally considered their triumph. The group disbanded in 1970, after the release of their final album, Let It Be, and during the 1970s pursued individual careers. On Dec. 8, 1980, John Lennon was fatally shot outside his Manhattan apartment by Mark Chapman, a 25-year-old former mental patient who, earlier that same day, had asked Lennon for his autograph. Lennon's murder was universally mourned with an intensity of feeling usually inspired only by political and spiritual leaders. Bibliography: The Beatles Complete, 2
Thursday, January 16, 2020
Adventures in a Lifetime
Definition Essay Adventures in a Lifetime ââ¬Å"An exciting or very unusual experience. â⬠This is how the English Dictionary defines the word adventure. Many people may define it in a different way, but not a single person is wrong. Adventure isn't boring, nor is it exciting. It is but both at the same time, intertwining between the two. Adventure is exploring the unknown, and doing things a person isnââ¬â¢t normally comfortable with. But, it also doesn't have to be hanging on a rope off the side of a mountain.It can be anything from facing new challenges in school, to living off the land for 3 months in the woods. It's seizing new opportunities, testing our resources against the unknown, and in the process, discovering our own sole potential. It can be falling in love, getting your heart broken, and surviving the whole experience, even though it was so grim at the time. Living through an experience that makes a difference in your life, no matter how small, can be the bigge st adventure of them all.One of the biggest adventures we all know about is Christopher Columbus who sailed across the Atlantic Ocean in 1492. He hoped to find a route to India in order to trade with others but ended up on this foreign land, America. His adventure was sailing to a new land, but making it a larger adventure without meaning to. Why do we say he went on an adventure? Not because he went out of his comfort zone, but because he went someplace he has never been before and had an experience where he learned many new things.It may not be as immense as Columbus did, but we have all adventured hundreds of times in our life, whether we know it or not. Even if itââ¬â¢s just something fresh to learn, or going someplace never explored, everybody has completed it. Going on an adventure means being bold, venturesome, brave, and daring. Does that mean someone has to go skydiving or scuba diving hundreds of feet into the ocean? Absolutely not. Adventure doesnââ¬â¢t even have to be a physical act; it can be a light inside the body that comes out a little more each day.Adventure is not having a routine every single day nor is it thinking about what you will do next. Itââ¬â¢s living through every day and experiencing something new in the hours we are given. It can be from walking into the darkest cave known to man, to frolicking through the most colorful valley of flowers in the world. Every step in a personââ¬â¢s life is a new adventure he or she has conquered, and every new adventure is a new stepping stone ultimately reaching your final and optimal destination. Adventure is living life and experiencing it to its upmost capacity.It can be exploring oneself in ways nobody else can. Gandhi is a perfect example of looking inside oneself and making it into an adventure. He explored inside his soul to know what he thought was right and to find what he really wanted to do to make a difference in otherââ¬â¢s lives. He took those feelings and made it into a lifelong adventure of freeing others from the British rule as well as to better the lives of Indiaââ¬â¢s poorest classes. He went through countless adventures, ranging from great to minor.
Wednesday, January 8, 2020
The Privatization Of Fossil Fuel Reform - 2260 Words
For many years, the Government of Indonesia has attempted to scrap fossil fuel subsidies in Indonesia. However, to this point, these attempts have failed at the implementation stage. This essay will examine challenges of fossil fuel subsidy reform first by outlining the trials of fossil fuel reform efforts in Indonesia, including political and economic factors underpinning problems. It will then discuss the key challenges implementation of these policies entails. Many developing countries, including Indonesia, have subsidized fossil fuels for decades. This program was started to help the poor, keeping their cost of living low cost of living for the poor (The Economist 2014). However, because the people of Indonesia have enjoyed low prices for fossil fuel for more than 40 years, people are resistant to the idea of raising the fuel prices. Gus Durââ¬â¢s cabinet decided to raise fossil fuel prices by more than 9 percent in October 2000, and it resulted in large-scale public protests (Beaton Lontoh 2010). It was a risky attempt, because the people of Indonesia had just passed through a devastating political transition period from the Soeharto era, as well as dealing with the adverse effects of the Asian monetary crisis during 1997-98. During this period street riots became a medium for the people to express their disagreement toward certain policies. People were frustrated, and interest groups took advantage of this phenomenon for their own political interests. To this dayShow MoreRelatedMicro Economics : Energy Industry1327 Words à |à 6 PagesIndustry operates on disintegrating and obsolete market models. The Industry is discriminated by the gas industry that continues to line its pockets. Despite being urgent, climate policy remains controversial among decisions makers. Australian fossil fuels exports are stuck under the global forces threats (Simshauser and Whish-Wilson 2017). The main objective for reforming the industry remain precise: offer reliable, affordable as well as low-carbon energy services to both business and householdsRead MoreThe Soviet Union During The Cold War1702 Words à |à 7 Pages In 1989, history in the West abruptly shifted course. The communist regimes in Eastern Europe fell, severing these nationsââ¬â¢ ties to the Soviet Union and sparking unprecedented political and economic reforms. Two years later, the Soviet Union itself disintegrated. The Cold War ended along with it, a sharply defined historical era stretching back to 1914. The end of the Cold War renewed the commitment to democracy and capitalism in the West, accelerated the existing movement toward unification inRead MoreIndonesi A High Rate Of Political Risk2021 Words à |à 9 PagesEconomic Structures Indonesiaââ¬â¢s current economic issues include: infrastructure, religious intolerance, terrorism, improving the education system, decreasing corruption, decreasing unemployment, and lastly, implementing much needed economic and financial reform structures. Religious intolerance is a major concern in Indonesia. Religious freedom in Indonesia requires that politicians stop using Islamist fringe groups for their own ends. It also requires that the government extend official recognition beyondRead MoreInternational Monetary Fund ( Imf )3071 Words à |à 13 Pagesin domestic finance; big and insistent fiscal scarcities; external or public debt at high level; inappropriately fixed exchange rates levels; armed battles or an unexpected as well as strong increase in price of basic commodities like food items or fuel and natural disasters. Some of the aspects may directly impact a trade account, dipping exports or growing imports of a country. Others can minimize availability of finance t owards transactions at global level, for instance, there may be loss on confidenceRead MoreThe People s Democratic Republic Of Algeria2289 Words à |à 10 Pagesreasons. Although the country has not been affected by the Arab spring, the neighboring countries were deeply touched and the situation threatened the stability of Algeria. After this tumultuous period, in 2011, the government introduced some political reforms such as end to state-of-emergency restrictions on civil liberties that was put in place 19 years before. Todayââ¬â¢s low performances and lacking infrastructure were partially a result of the governmentââ¬â¢s choice of a socialist model after the countryââ¬â¢sRead MoreFinancial System of Kazakhstan4569 Words à |à 19 Pagesvarious concepts of world economic thought on increase of a role of the finance, money and the credit in management of national economy. The financial sector of Kazakhstan is the largest financial sector in Central Asia. It possesses enormous fossil fuel reserves as well as minerals and metals. It also has considerable agricultural potential with its vast steppe lands accommodating both livestock and grain production, as well as developed space infrastructure, which took over all launches to theRead MoreA Brief Note On The Kingdom Of Morocco1945 Words à |à 8 Pagesthis day. King Muhammad VI has faced many different issues during his rule, the two largest being terrorism and political reform. The Arab Spring events that took place in Egypt and Tunisia in 2011 did not go by the people of Morocco unnoticed. Thousands of Moroccan pro democracy protesters began rallying and peacefully demanding King Mohammad VI give up some of his power and reform the constitution to provide more civil liberties and clamp down on government corruption. To end the civil unrest KingRead MoreA Short History of Progress2404 Words à |à 1 0 Pageslogging became scarce, and wars broke out for those sparse resources. In Sumer similar environmental destruction occurred (i.e. overgrazing, land clearing), which should alarm the world population of today of what may become of the high levels of fossil fuel consumption, greenhouse gas emissions, and land clearing, which can easily lead to the same outcomes experienced in Easter Island and Sumer. It is important to look at these fallen civilizations, examine what exactly happened, critique why the issueRead MoreJapan s Influence On Japan2395 Words à |à 10 PagesTrade Representative, its largest imports from the United States include: Vehicles, Machinery, and Medical Equipment (United States Trade Representative). From other countries, its overall major imports from other countries include: raw materials, fossil fuel, and oil (Gateway to Japan). Its largest exports include: Vehicles, Vehicles Parts, Integrated Circuits, and Machinery (Observatory of Economic Complexity). Foreign Direct Investment Policy Japan has succeeded in attracting foreign investmentRead MoreThe Interacting Mechanisms of a Globalized World2367 Words à |à 9 Pageswould come in with few skills and be exploited for cheap labor in factories with terrible working conditions. Eventually, many of these immigrants and their children started to speak out about these injustices and forced reform. This ushered in a progressive wave of pro-worker reforms like child-labor laws, and minimum wage. This era did not last long, due to globalization and the ability to find cheap, exploitable labor outside of the United States. This move away from progressivism ushered in the
Tuesday, December 31, 2019
Parenting Styles and Child Development - 1821 Words
| Parenting Styles and Child Development | Awais Qureshi | | Hannah Steinweld | 5/11/2011 | | In recent years, much data has shown that parenting styles exercise a strong influence on child development and behaviour. The initial choice of parenting style creates the foundation for the childââ¬â¢s psychological and social development. Parents can choose from different approaches in raising their child; they can be strict, moderate or lenient. Authoritarian parents are characterized as being demanding and controlling and intolerant of their childââ¬â¢s bad behaviour (Aslam and Sartaj, 2001). On the other hand, authoritative parents are also defined as demanding but are more understanding as regards to the childââ¬â¢s failures and will tryâ⬠¦show more contentâ⬠¦The child will also learn autonomy and learn from his own mistakes. In all, children raised by authoritarian parents to succeeded well in their life. Finally, permissive parents are as described before are the more lenient type. They donââ¬â¢t impose much discipline or rules on the child and they tend to accept the childââ¬â¢s desires, actions and impulses. The child can easily manipulate the parent into doing what the child wants because the parent presents himself as a resource that the kin can use as he pleases too. Furthermore, since the parent never exhorts any responsibility, the child is free to do what he wants (Baumrind, 1996). This is the reason why sometimes the permissive parents are described as being uninvolved. They donââ¬â¢t have much impact on the development of the child because the parent always surrenders to the wishes of the child. Nevertheless, the parent always shows a lot of love to their child and is very supportive; they lean to be more as a friend to the child rather than giving an image of a parent. Impact on Child The way the child is raised has an impact on the childââ¬â¢s education, social life and his character. According to a study, children from authoritative background do much better in school than children with permissive and authoritarian parents. Also, the study shows that the authoritarian parents put much more emphasis on grades then the overall developmentShow MoreRelatedParenting Styles And Their Effects On The Child Development Essay1152 Words à |à 5 PagesParenting Styles and their Effects on the Child Development Parenting is the process of raising a child. It is one of the oldest responsibilities parents have towards their children. Be a parent can be challenging and rewarding as well. Each parent uses different parenting styles. In the early 1960s, Diana Baumrind concluded that parenting styles differ in four important areas: parents warmth/nurturance, discipline strategy, communication skills, and expectations of maturity. She concluded thatRead MoreThe Impact Of Parenting Styles On Child Development2048 Words à |à 9 Pages The Impact of Different Parenting Styles on Child Development Since the late 1920s psychologists have been curious about the influence of parents on child development (Darling, 1999). Researchers in psychology, sociology, and education have indicated that parental influence shows no decline into adolescence (Astone McLanahan, 1991). The main approach to studying parental influence is examining different parenting styles. These parenting styles shape the development of competence and behaviorRead MoreLiterature Review- Parenting Styles and Child Development1737 Words à |à 7 PagesAbstract A parenting style is a method or type of parenting which directly and indirectly influences the development of the child. Developmental psychologists study the physical, cognitive, social, intellectual, perceptual, emotional and personality growth and development that occurs throughout a lifetime. The purpose of this research was to identify how specific parenting styles positively and negatively correlate with behaviors in children, how they affect children, and what methods of parenting couldRead MoreParenting Styles And Its Effects On A Child s Development1220 Words à |à 5 PagesResearch in parenting styles has found a large amount of correlation between parenting behavior and certain long-term outcomes for children. Specifically, parenting styles have been shown to correlate to a childââ¬â¢s obedience level, school competence, delinquency, violence, sexual activity, antisocial behavior, alcohol and substance abuse, depression, anxiety, and self-perception. The members of yo ur family are the most prevalent relationships you will have in your life. Therefore, they will have theRead MoreThe Impact Of Parenting Styles On A Child s Development2645 Words à |à 11 PagesMelanie Santos Final Reflection Research Paper PSYC 215 - Dr. Bagshaw The significant impact different parenting styles can have on a childââ¬â¢s development intrigued me and prompted my self reflection of how my immigrant parents parenting practices affected my development. From my experience, I believe immigrant parents are more likely to display authoritarian versus authoritative parenting styles. ââ¬Å"Studies have shown that parents of individualistic cultures (i.e. western cultures) are more likelyRead MoreParenting Styles Have A Big Impact On The Development And Outcome Of A Child1671 Words à |à 7 Pages There has always been debate about the different parenting styles that exist and how they affect the development and outcome of a child. How a child is raised and treated as they are brought up has a lot to do with the kind of person they will be later in life. Therefore, it can have either a positive, negative, or even both positive and negative effects on a child as they are growing up. Certain factors of parenting play a big role su ch as how the parent use discipline, warmth and nurture, communicationRead MoreParenting Styles Have A Key Effect On A Child s Development862 Words à |à 4 Pagestrust you?â⬠These are just some of the questions that many teenagers encounter on a daily basis, when growing up under the rule of authoritarian parents. Parenting styles have a key effect on a childââ¬â¢s development, impacting both present and future relationships in all aspects of life, and a highly common type of parenting is this authoritarian style. Authoritarian parents focus on discipline, and show little to no warmth. A ââ¬Ëhelicopter parentââ¬â¢ is a term used to describe parents (commonly mothers)Read MoreParenting styles and its effects on the child development ââ¬Å"The most beautiful thing in this2400 Words à |à 10 Pages Parenting styles and its effects on the child development ââ¬Å"The most beautiful thing in this world is to see your parents smiling and knowing that you are the reason behind that smile.â⬠Our parentsââ¬â¢ first concern; which parenting style to follow in order to raise up a well-developed, and well-mannered person. Matter of fact, a huge debate went over this particular issue, whether strict parenting is the right method, or being leant is the correct method. There is clear evidenceRead MoreEssay on Parenting Styles and How They Affect Your Children951 Words à |à 4 PagesWhat Are the Parenting Styles and How Do They Affect Your Child? How a parent raises their child can affect the child later on in life. There are four parenting styles: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and neglectful (uninvolved). Each of these parenting styles can affect a child in some way. Some parenting styles have more negative outcomes than others. Some have both positive and negative outcomes. The authoritarian parenting style is a style in which the parent has the only say. ThisRead MoreInfancy and Early Childhood Development1399 Words à |à 6 PagesEarly Childhood Development Cynthia Miranda PSY 375 July 2, 2012 Dr. Aneta Bhojwani Infancy and Early Childhood Development Every human being begins developing in one way or another, from the moment they come into this world. Development and all its aspects begin in infancy and continue throughout oneââ¬â¢s entire lifetime. It is a common belief that infants and young children are influenced by the environment that surrounds them. Cognitive and social aspects of development are shaped and
Monday, December 23, 2019
The Symptoms Of Withdrawal Which Can Be Involved With...
The symptoms like withdrawal which can be involved with the increased tantrums and irritability, aggressive outbursts, difficulty in transitions, frustrations, demanding, peer problems, feeling of helplessness, decrease in academic performance and difficulty in pin pointing what is bothering them are shown by the children in middle childhood (Di Ciacco, 2008).In this age, they create their own irrational and non-reversible thoughts. They also have strong emotions like intense guilt, sadness and anger. They are also very less likely to distract themselves and are able to keep their emotions at bay. Children at this age may think that they have killed their parent through their anger, past negative thoughts and wish to join die and joinâ⬠¦show more contentâ⬠¦As a practitioner, the role in this situation is to minimize disruptive events, protect each childââ¬â¢s experience of attachment from harm and support family coping. For this, creating goals for dealing with grief and m oving forward is important. Children and adolescents do not tend to grieve in isolation. They grieve within the social context of their family, friends, cultural setting and community (Di Ciacco 2008). Narchaul (2008) refers to Bowlbyââ¬â¢s (1969) theory of attachment as providing a framework for us to understand the connectedness to others and how we relate to others. Personal behavioural and coping strategies can be sourced back to childhood upbringing and influences, with issues such as trust, resilience and the ability to regulate emotions essential in playing a role in recovery (Turunen, 2014). Weenolsen (1991, p. 60) states that each disaster or trauma provides a scenario in which the recovery of human beings relies heavily on their ability to transcend their loss of attachment and move on, to psychologically rebirth their attachments. The development theory is another one where the practitioner would identify the conditions impacting as an individual. This path gives direc tion to upcoming plans and interventions. As the children are at different stages this theory base is appropriate. For example both children would be engaged with creative/physical outlets, observed during family interactions and noted for behavioural traits (Di Ciacco 2008).
Sunday, December 15, 2019
Lecture Week Free Essays
Find the stress in the same elastic plate under the combined loading. Solution: Known the stress functions in the two different loading cases. Thus the stress functions can be added directly as per the ââ¬Å"superposition principleâ⬠. We will write a custom essay sample on Lecture Week or any similar topic only for you Order Now 4. 7 Solution Approaches and Skills Introduction After define the B. C. , one should solve for three groups of unknowns: Displacement: u,v,w Strain Stress It is however impossible to solve for these unknowns altogether. We often have to solve one or two groups first. As such we have four different methods: displacement teeth, strain method, stress method and mixed method. Fig. 4. 8 Flowchart of displacement method (replace stress and strain by displacement). Displacement Method Unknowns: u, v, w Procedure: Other two sets of the unknown variables must be eliminated from the equations. Thus we replace strain and stress in displacements, which can be done as follows: We derive (refer to Tutorial Question #3, Week 5) where Lovelace operator: and After obtain u, v, w, one can calculate strain by using strain-displacement equation and then calculate the stress by using Hookerââ¬â¢s law. Note that the solution must satisfy the boundary conditions. Stress Method Unknowns: Procedure: Solve for stress component first and then strains and displacements. Strain Method 4. 8 Problem 1: Solution to Cylinder under Internal and External Pressure Introduction It is convenient to use cylindrical coordinate system for many engineering problem which involves in circular geometry (e. G. Fig. 4. 8). Cylindrical coordinate system Similar to Cartesian coordinate system, cylindrical system consists of 3 independent coordinates: (r, 0, z) as shown in Fig. 4. 9. Equilibrium equations in AD cylindrical system (can be derived by replacing coordinate): Strain-Displacement relations: Normal: Hookerââ¬â¢s Law in AD: Displacement Method Step 1: Check the Boundary conditions: At:Ã'⺠Shear: Step 2 Analysis: The deformation is asymmetric and under plane strain. So the deformation is independent of coordinate z and 0. Thus the circumferential and axial displacement v and w vanish, and displacements can be expressed as: Step 3 Strain ââ¬â Displacement relation: Step 4 Apply Hookerââ¬â¢s law: Step 5: Equilibrium Equations The second and third equations are satisfied automatically. The first equation is: Substitution of Hookerââ¬â¢s law into the above equation of Thus Step 6: Solve for this linear and static ordinary differential equation Thus its solution an be assumed as (Displacement Method) (in which CLC and co are constants to be determined by using B. C. ) Step 7: plug this trial function (solution) into the Strain ââ¬â Displacement equations Similarly, we can have: where . Now the question is how to determine A and B. Equations. Step 8: Apply B. C. O determine the constants which leads to: and From A and B we can calculate CLC and co: Step 9: Calculate all the functions Displacements: Strains: Stresses: Plane Stress Problem: Replacing E and 0 by and , we can further obtain the solution to the corresponding plane stress problems. Plant stress Fig. 4. 0 Pressurized cylinder with plane strain and plane stress Displacement: Remarks: are independent on material properties. The cylinder made of any materials will have the same stress values and thus if strength is the major concern, one should select the highest strength material. However, the displacement and strains are dependent on material properties. If the stiffness is the main concern, a higher E modulus material should be chosen. When , one have Since , the radial stress (always negative) and (always positive). Thus: . As all shear stresses are zero, thus the principal stresses are: 4. 9 Saint-Vents Principle In the cantilever beam problem, some observed some difference of stress contours as shown in Fig. 4. 11. Saint Vents observed that in pure bending of a beam conforms a rigorous solution only when the external forces applied at the ends of beams are distributed over the end is the same as internal stress distribution, I. E. Linear distribution. Saint Vents Principle: If the force acting on a small portion of the surface of an elastic body are replaced by another statically equivalent system of forces acting on the same portion of the surface, such redistribution of loading produces substantial change in stress locally tit a linear dimensions of the surface on which the force are changedâ⬠. Two key assumptions: (1) very small loading area compared with the whole dimension. The affected area will be much smaller than the unaffected area UnaffectedAffected. E. G in the tensile bar as shown in Fig 4. 12, La, in which the affected area will take roughly: Aziza. (2) Force replaced must be statically equivalent. The replacement must not change either the resultant force or resultant couple. For example the slender bar is stretched in different ways as below, where one can approximately define the effected and unaffected areas. Tensile test In the tensile test, the way of holding a specimen has no effect on the stress and deformation in the middle region of the specimen. In test code requires a sufficient length of the specimen to avoid the end effect on the testing result. It is an application of Saint-Pennantââ¬â¢s principle. Four-point bending The better positioning of strain gauge should be in a far field as shown below to get more stable and reliable testing result. Cantilever beam in FEE The end force can be applied in different way, which only affects a small area as shown. How to cite Lecture Week, Papers
Saturday, December 7, 2019
Myself Or Someone Like Me free essay sample
Myself or Someone Like Me by Anonymous, Agawam, MA This life is only a test. Had it been an actual life, you would have been given instructions. My So-Called Life Right now, I am someone like me. I am not whole and complete like some people. There is this huge part of my life that fragments me gaps all over the place. Sadly, it keeps me from enjoying life and liking the person I could be. Someday, I will smile true and be the me I so desperately want to discover. But for now, I dont have that kind of control. The eating disorder does. To give the date it all began I couldnt. To say when things were at their worst every minute of every day for the past four years. It moved in and made my life miserable. For individuals who have not walked this road, it is impossible to understand. We will write a custom essay sample on Myself Or Someone Like Me or any similar topic specifically for you Do Not WasteYour Time HIRE WRITER Only 13.90 / page I walk, run, sprint this road every day and Im still confused. Words cannot describe what it is like to exist in a world that is not my own. I walk around looking and sounding like myself but my thoughts and life no longer belong to me. Most days I still cant admit theres a problem; in fact, this is the first time Ive ever put it in writing. When I was first told I had an eating disorder, I read every book hoping I couldnt relate, searching for an out. As scary and confusing as it is at times, I dont see what others see. All I know is that I have this voice in my head constantly telling me to be perfect, to be a good person, I must be skinny, that no one loves me and it makes sense. I know it sounds irrational. But my head doesnt do the thinking anymore. I walk around smiling, in this false world that Ive created, so that everyone else will be happy. Ive learned to survive here. It has gotten to the point where I feel as though without my eating disorder, Im nothing. Its hard to let go. Sometimes I can fight but it takes so much energy; I get worn out. I want for this to stop not because of the physical toll it takes, but because of the internal damage that no one can see. The pain and sadness in my heart is so much worse. I believe I have the strength but it feels like there is no reason to fight. By writing this, Ive put my feelings on paper. Ive told something Im not supposed to tell, and I cant run from whats face-to-face with me. Slowly, Im realizing how tired I am of feeling worthless and unloved. For so long Ive felt that no one loves me, but I know I havent let them either. I need to love myself first. (A concept easier written than done. Hopefully the truth in words can help set me free.) Through therapy, I am learning to get at the root of my problem. Its not about food, its about me and the way I view the world. Uncovering what lies below the surface can be difficult. Sometimes I want to forget everything and accept my life for what it is. But Ive never been one to settle for something I know I can change, and I can change this. There are days a few, but getting more frequent when life feels better, like part of my self has emerged. Then there are days when who I am doesnt even exist. The difference now (compared to a year ago) is that even if I feel this way today, tomorrow or the next day, I know there will be a day I wont. I hold the thought of such a day in a special spot in the depths of my being. I know this disorder will not get the best of me. My whole life is ahead of me and I plan to live it, really live it, every step of the way. (No more sprinting the roads of life.) We are all angels with but one wing, And only by embracing each other can we fly. Luciano De Crescenzo
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